laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
