There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
