I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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