when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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