The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
