Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
the liver wants what the liver wants
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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