Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
