Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
