Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
