Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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