hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
As shirtless as possible
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
