.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
