i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
