last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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