I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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