thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
