Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
