you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
