Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
