my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
