i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
