it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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