you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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