my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
