Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
