just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
