I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
