I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize