just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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