I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
