I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize