before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i now understand why vodka
I touched a dick in church today
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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