I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He? As in you personified your dick?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
