Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
