Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
third nipple confirmed
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
