so explain again why im purple
no
Buhtt sex?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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