Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
