I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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