So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
