I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
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