I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize