no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
