...so i touched it.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
