Clothes are such an inconvenience.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
