I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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