It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
