I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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