So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
