She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
