my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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