it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This house was built for laser tag.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
