found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
