She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
