i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
