tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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