She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
