we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
