Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
