i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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