Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
