She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
