Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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