hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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