your room smells of hookers.
And success
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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