You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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