You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize