While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
