I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Randomize
