she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
