I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
