Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize