Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
