I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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