Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
