Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
