woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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