I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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