this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
