you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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