In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
