I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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