Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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