I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have fence marks all over my body
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
