Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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