My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
