i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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