Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
