I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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