I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize