Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
