I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
