Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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