By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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