the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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