he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
