So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So. Much. Porn.
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