Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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