how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
