What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
