Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
only you would photoshop your dick
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
