everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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