It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
