Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
