Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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