Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
